When the ancient Greeks began to think about things, (and they thought so much about everything that one thing they inadvertently invented was philosophy), they thought naturally of love. Personally, I think about it a lot myself. They thought seriously of all the forms of love: in fact, all four. Four I say? Yes, so I say.
Now, C.S. Lewis, the great Christian apologist of the 20th century also though about these four loves and wrote about them. In fact, he wrote a book about them.
[By the way a Christian apologist does not apologize for believing he is wrong in his belief as a Christian. An apologist is a person who makes a defense in speech or writing of a belief, idea, or thought that he holds as true. I may apologize to you when I know I am wrong, but I may also defend a belief I have in writing or speaking and I am an apologist for doing so. See how one word means two things? This happens all the time in the English language.]
I have reduced Lewis’ thoughts to a very few sentences, always a dangerous thing to do. But if what I say interests you then you might be persuaded to read his book. Of course his greatest book is Mere Christianity based on a series of lectures he gave over the BBC Radio Broadcasting Network in England during World War II to help keep the citizen’s morale high. That book has changed many an atheist or agnostic to a Christian. If you have doubts, read it. I challenge you! Read widely! READ SOMETHING INTELLIGENT!
C.S. Lewis on the four loves
Affection (Greek “storge”) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is described as the most natural, emotive (characterized by or pertaining to emotion; productive of or directed toward the emotions) and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors.
Ironically, its strength, however, is what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being "built-in" or "ready made", says Lewis, and as a result people come to expect, even to demand, its presence --irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences. Just think about that.
Friendship (Greek “philia”) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of Friendship is narrower than mere Companionship: Friendship in his sense only exists if there is something for the Friendship to be "about".
Lewis believes it is the least natural of loves; i.e., it is not biologically necessary to progeny like either affection (e.g., rearing a child), Eros (e.g., creating a child), or charity (e.g., providing for a child). It has the least association with impulse or emotion. In spite of these characteristics, it was the belief of the ancients (and Lewis himself, as well) that it was the most admirable of loves because it looked not at the beloved (like Eros), but it looked towards that "about"-- that thing because of which the relationship was formed.
This freed the participants in this friendship from self-consciousness. Because they were looking towards something beyond or above themselves, the more who were looking towards that thing with them were welcomed with the same sincerity, which freed the relationship from jealousy.
And although the love may not be biologically necessary, it has, argued Lewis, great civilization value. The thing beyond or above themselves may be of monumental importance to society. But without the benefit of friendship to blunt the loneliness of "being the only person who sees this", or the idea that two heads are better than one, many advances in society may never have been embarked upon.
The relationship is by its nature selective, and therefore, exclusive. This characteristic is not detrimental per se (intrinsically; automatically), but the idea or goal towards which friends strive need not be altruistic (unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others) as opposed to the egotistic – being selfish.
The innocuous (harmless) ideas may simply be the cause of pseudo-aristocracies (a false group of people wrongly holding rank and privilege) that ignore the legitimate cries of those outside their group; the malefic ones (producers of evil) may be quite worse.
Eros is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does spend time discussing sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He identifies eros as indifferent. This is good because it promotes appreciation of the beloved regardless of any pleasure that can be obtained from them. It can be bad, however, because this blind devotion has been at the root of many of history's most abominable tragedies. In keeping with his warning that "love begins to be a demon the moment [it] begins to be a god", he warns against the danger of elevating Eros to the status of a god. Gee. That sounds so much like the good ole USA these days.
Charity (Greek “agape”) is a love directed towards one's neighbor which does not depend on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue. The chapter on the subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves to the love of God, who is full of charitable love. Lewis states that "[God] is so full, in fact, that it overflows, and He can't help but love us."
Lewis metaphorically compares love with a garden, charity with the gardening utensils, the lover as the gardener, and God as the elements of nature. God's love and guidance act on our natural love (that cannot remain what it is by itself) as the sun and rain act on a garden: without either, the object (metaphorically the garden; realistically love itself) would cease to be beautiful or worthy.
Lewis warns that those who exhibit charity must constantly check themselves that they do not flaunt -- and thereby warp -- this love ("But when you give to someone, don't tell your left hand what your right hand is doing." Matthew 6:3), which is its potential threat.
Keep charity close to your heart and when you are able, give anonomously as Jesus implied above. It matters not who knows of your charity on earth, but it matters everything in Heaven.
I hope that you learn from and enjoy this essay.
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